Keep Holdin' On
by BigG1999
Summary: Fine Stud Lexa deals with hard emotions due to a tragedy that happened in their family. G!P Lexa, but no smut. Lots of Angst and Fluff.
Lexa groans to herself as she walks into her large penthouse. Green eyes adjust to the lack of light in the usually bright living area as she scans for her girlfriend.

"Clarke?" she calls out in just above a whispers, just in case the blonde is sleeping, as she moves deeper into the house, undoing her cuff links.

"Baby girl?" she questions as she pushes the door open to the room to find nothing but a messy bed.

Lexa doesn't notice her jaw move side to side as she removes her jacket, hanging it up before going on the hunt for her blonde. She doesn't bother changing out of her dress shirt and creased pants, knowing Clarke will be ready for bed.

"Clarke, baby?" Lexa whispers as she pushes open the door.

A whimper leaves the brunette as she takes in the scene before her. Clarke lays on the floor, curled up in a ball, one hand reaching out for the empty crib and a picture laying next to her. A tear leaves green eyes as the loss hits her for the seventh time in the last hour.

They had agreed the world didn't need more children, there were already plenty of people on the planet as it is. So they reached out to one of the charities Lexa regularly donates to, one that helps sick orphans get the treatment they need. It only took one look at the picture for them to know that was their baby girl. She had dark brown skin, something that reminded Lexa of her first fiancée, and bright green eyes, which Clarke knew were going to be in her dreams as much as Lexa's are.

They had set everything up. They were going to fly to the city in Africa where her doctors were and bring her home, taking her to the best doctors they could find.

But two days before their flight they got news no parent ever wants to hear.

So they both spent days crying with each other. After two weeks Lexa had to get back to work, and Clarke took to painting those bright green eyes, which now haunt her every nightmare.

Lexa crouches down to the blonde, gently gathering her in her arms.

"Mmhm, Lex?" Clarke's sleepy voice questions.

"I'm taking you to bed baby girl," Lexa whispers, listing the blonde off the floor.

"NO!" Clarke yelps, her hand grabbing Lexa's collar to stop her.

Lexa freezes, not used to Clarke raising her voice. Especially right after being asleep. Watery blue eyes meet green.

"I just… We need to sleep in here tonight," her voice is so small, questioning if it's alright to do such a thing.

"Okay baby," Lexa nods, setting Clarke down, "I'll get the bed, you talk to her."

"Talk to her?" Clarke questions, picking up the picture of their daughter.

"You used to talk to her every night, Clarke. You'd tell her all about the adventures and ice cream she'd get when we brought her home. Talk to her like you used to. She'll love it," she explains, pressing her lips to the blonde's forehead.

The brunette doesn't eavesdrop on the blonde. The only reason she knows about the talking is because she used to fall asleep to it, every single night since they first saw their baby. She doesn't bother changing out of her dress clothes, knowing it will only make them lose more time as she flips the mattress off the bed, quickly moving it across the hall.

When she enters the room after the mattress she finds a crying Clarke, overlooking the crib.

"Shh baby," she whispers, wrapping her arms around the blonde from behind.

Clarke's body shakes as silent sobs escape her, her knuckles turning white from their grip on the crib.

"She knows now. She knows how much we love her, Clarke. Death is not the end. She will-" a sob interrupts Lexa's speech, "she'll live on in-" a whimper escapes, "inside of us."

Clarke turns around, her hands tangling in dark hair as she pulls Lexa's mouth to hers. Tears run together, their lips parting to make room for sobs.

"I miss her so much Lex… I don't know how we can do it," Clarke mumbles, her face finding its way to Lexa's neck.

"We just have to hang on baby girl. We just have to hang on," she repeats, both knowing she's not saying it just for Clarke

Clarke nods, trying to pull Lexa deeper into the embrace.

"Come on baby, we need to sleep," she says, pulling the blonde's hips away from the crib and bringing her to the mattress.

Clarke gives it a push, making it fall to the ground before laying down, facing the crib.

"We'll make it baby girl," Lexa whispers, lying behind Clarke.

"We will," Clarke nods, her fingers lacing themselves through Lexa's around her belly.

"As long as we're together. Our baby girl will always be with us, until we meet again."

Clarke turns in Lexa's arms, blue eyes wide with fear.

"No, I'm not ready to say goodbye," she says.

Lexa nods, green eyes full of empathy, "then for tonight we just sleep baby girl."

Clarke nods, tangling herself in Lexa, ignoring the scratchiness of the dress clothes as she slips a leg in between Lexa's, enjoying the extra weight on her thigh.

"Lexa?" Clarke questions, blue eyes looking into green.

"Not tonight, my love," Lexa whispers, her hand stroking her cheek.

Clarke nods, understanding the lack of sexual desire, "I love you."

Lips just barely twitch upwards, something that Clarke has noticed Lexa does instead of smiling when she is tired.

"I love you, Clarke," Lexa states, green eyes closing as her fingers run through blonde hair.

"Goodnight Lexa," the blonde mumbles, her words falling on deaf ears.


End file.
